Faithful, Not Perfect

By Summer Martin

Adapted from my forthcoming book, Walking Beside the Calling: Through the Eyes of an Ephesians 5 Wife

There are expectations people place on us, and then there are the expectations we place on ourselves.

I’ve learned that sometimes the latter are much heavier.

As someone who has struggled with people pleasing, I care deeply about what people think. I want to represent my husband well. More importantly, I want to represent Christ well. Those aren’t bad desires, but somewhere along the way, I started confusing faithfulness with perfection.

I wanted people to think I was a good wife. A good Christian. A good mom. A good friend. A woman who loved Jesus well. I wanted people to look at my life and think I was doing everything, if not most things, right.

The problem with that is, that isn’t what God has called me to pursue.

Somewhere along the way, I had created in my mind what I thought I was supposed to be. Always patient. Always joyful. Always spiritually mature. Always gracious. Knowing exactly what to say, handling criticism perfectly, never becoming overwhelmed. Always looking as if I had everything under control at all times.

Then I would catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and think, Well….I’m definitely not her.

I became all too self-aware. I would replay conversations, asking myself things like: Did I talk too much? Did I say something I shouldn’t? Was I too brash? Did I let my feelings get too involved? Did I represent myself well? Did they misunderstand what I meant?

Thought after thought.

The truth is, most of the time, I don’t even know if anyone else is thinking these things about me. Much of the pressure isn’t coming from other people.

It’s coming from my own heart.

The more I compared myself to this imaginary version, the more discouraged I became. I wasn’t comparing myself to what God had called me to be. I was comparing myself to a standard I had created in my own mind.

I wish I could go back and sit beside the version of myself who thought she needed to have everything together. I wouldn’t hand her another list of expectations.

I’d hand her the gospel.

I’d remind her that Christ isn’t asking her to impress anyone. He’s asking her to abide in Him. I’d tell her she’s going to make mistakes. She’s going to have awkward conversations. She’s going to have days where she feels inadequate.

And none of those things will surprise the God who called her.

That’s something I’m still learning.

Just because some of the expectations I struggle with are ones I’ve created in my own head doesn’t mean there aren’t real expectations placed on us. Sometimes there are. Spoken or unspoken, they can feel incredibly heavy.

But I’ve learned through all of this that some of the heaviest expectations were the ones I placed on myself.

Galatians 1:10 asks a question that has convicted me more than once: “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Ouch.

That verse doesn’t leave much room for excuses.

It forces me to examine my heart. Am I making decisions because I genuinely want to honor Christ? Or am I making them because I want everyone else to think I’m doing a good job?

Those are two very different motivations.

Wanting to represent Christ well isn’t wrong. Wanting to be a good wife isn’t wrong. Wanting to be a good mom, friend, or woman of God isn’t wrong.

But I have to ask myself who I am trying to please.

Because I’ve also realized that I cannot control what people think about me.

Some people will think I do too much. Others will think I don’t do enough. Some will appreciate my personality. Others won’t. Some will misunderstand me completely.

If I spend my life trying to manage everyone’s opinions of me, I will be exhausted before I ever enjoy the privilege of serving Christ.

God has never asked me to be impressive.

He has asked me to be faithful.

Colossians 3:23–24 reminds us, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

That verse has become a freeing reminder for me.

My audience is not social media. It isn’t other women. It isn’t the people who may criticize me. It isn’t the people who may misunderstand something I say or do.

My audience is Christ.

When I remember that, the pressure begins to lift.

There will always be expectations that people place on us. There will always be expectations we imagine people have. And there will always be expectations we put on ourselves.

But God’s expectation has never changed.

Be faithful.

Not perfect.

Just faithful.

For so long I believed I needed to become someone else. A better speaker. A quieter woman. Someone more polished. Someone who always knew what to say. Someone who never struggled.

But Christ never asked me to become another woman.

He asked me to become the woman He is sanctifying me to be.

And those are not the same thing.

I don’t have to lead like someone else. I don’t have to speak like someone else. I don’t have to serve exactly like someone else. I don’t even have to have the same personality as someone else.

There is a difference between learning from godly women and believing I need to become them.

God, in His sovereignty, chose me. Not because I’m the most gifted, or the most polished, or because I always know what to say.

His grace is sufficient.

And He delights in using ordinary women who are willing to faithfully walk with Him.

I think sometimes we spend so much time looking around at what everyone else is doing that we forget to look at what God has placed directly in front of us. We convince ourselves that faithfulness must look a certain way. We compare our personalities, our gifts, the way we serve, and even the way we walk with Christ.

Then, when we inevitably fail to become the woman we have created in our minds, we feel like we have failed God.

But that woman was never the standard.

Christ is.

I don’t need to spend my life trying to fill another woman’s shoes. I don’t need to exhaust myself trying to become someone God never asked me to be.

I need to faithfully walk with Him.

There will still be days when I replay the conversation.

There will still be moments when I wonder if I said too much.

There will still be times when I worry about what someone thinks of me or wonder if I’m doing enough.

People pleasing doesn’t disappear simply because I recognize it.

But when those thoughts come, I can remind myself whose approval I am seeking.

I can remind myself who my audience is.

Christ.

And when I remember that, I can stop trying to be impressive.

I can stop trying to be perfect.

I can simply seek to be faithful.

Not perfect.

Just faithful.