Faithful and Still Fighting-When Christians Struggle with Suicidal Thoughts

By Summer Martin

Content Note: This article discusses suicidal thoughts and emotional distress without discussing methods or graphic details. If you are in immediate danger or believe you may act on suicidal thoughts, please call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. In the United States, you can also call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

We need to talk about suicide.

Not exactly the type of article that you probably expected to see, the topic itself is uncomfortable. Heavy, and if people are honest, usually a topic most would rather avoid it. But September is Suicide Prevention Month and I don’t think we can talk about loving people well while refusing to talk about one of the darkest places some people find themselves in. Because well, people who love Jesus can struggle with mental health issues too.

People who you know and love who can quote Scripture, the context behind it and so much more can experience depression. People who surround themselves with the body and attend church each time the doors are open can leave feeling completely hopeless and lonely.

And yes, Christians can even experience suicidal thoughts. Pretending this doesn’t happen, doesn’t mean it’s not there.

I think one of the hardest things about mental health struggles is that sometimes it doesn’t make sense to those on the outside. The person can have a spouse who truly loves them, beautiful children, a good job, friends, a church body of believers, a roof over their heads, food on the table, and a hundred other things that people can look at and say “Look at everything you have to be thankful for!”

But they are still hurting.

“But They Have So Much To Live For”

We hear about someone struggling and immediately start looking for the right Bible verse to fix it. “Just give it to God”. “You need to pray more”, and one that I just personally have an issue with “Where is your faith?”.

But just because you have given them the Scripture and shown them all the blessings they have, doesn’t make the person stop hurting. It may actually turn them away from talking to you.

And that can be dangerous.

The Bible Doesn’t Hide Despair

One of the things I am thankful to God for giving when He inspired the men who wrote the Bible is that He didn’t leave out human suffering. The Bible doesn’t give us a bunch of perfectly put-together people who have smiles on their faces all the time.

We see dark moments. I mean Elijah, after fleeing from Jezebel, sat beneath a broom treat and said, “It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life” (1 Kings 19:4).

Job reached such a place of suffering that he cursed the day he was born (Job 3).

Jeremiah expressed anguish over his own birth in Jeremiah 20.

The Psalms are full of David and others crying out to God from places of fear, grief, loneliness, and despair.

Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not saying we should retroactively diagnose people from our Biblical history with depression or other mental illnesses, and I’m not saying Scripture somehow glorifies suicidal thinking.

Quite the opposite. I think these passages show us that God’s Word is not afraid of traversing to the darkest parts of human suffering.

So why should we be?

Look What God Did With Elijah

God didn’t meet Elijah under that broom tree and immediately say, “Elijah, let’s discuss theology”. Elijah was exhausted, afraid, overwhelmed and God cared for him. He provided food for Elijah to eat. Water for Elijah to drink. And He provided rest for Elijah.

And then God continued dealing with him, speaking truth, giving direction, and reminding Elijah that his perspective wasn’t showing him the entire picture. And that’s showing us something important. Human beings aren’t just floating brains carrying around Bible verses.

We have bodies, emotions, and we get exhausted. We experience trauma, grief, fear, stress, hormonal changes, illness, loss, disappointment and countless millions of other things that affect us.

And for me obtaining my Biblical counseling certification, that should never require myself or any other Biblical counselor to pretend those things don’t exist while at the same time recognizing that our feelings don’t always tell us the truth.

And that’s where we, not just Biblical counselors, but the body, have an opportunity to walk beside someone.

“I Feel Like Everyone Would Be Better Without Me”

There is a huge difference in telling someone, “Your feelings aren’t real” and helping them understand that their feelings may not be telling them what is true.

I heard from some great people while I was working at a faith based drug and alcohol recovery center that “Feelings aren’t Facts”.

If someone says “I’m a burden”. I’m not going to argue with them about whether they feel like one. I believe them when they tell me that’s how they feel. But I can lovingly help them examin whether the conclusion their suffering has created is actually true.

If someone says: “Nobody cares for me”. We can acknowledge that the loneliness underneath that statement is what they feel, while gently encouraging to look at the evidence and ultimately looking at Scripture.

Sometimes it just takes someone sitting with them listening and saying “I hear that you can’t see a way through this right now. So I am going to sit here with you while we figure out the next step.”. That next step typically isn’t figuring out the next 10 years, sometimes it’s just figuring out the next 10 minutes.

Please Don’t Make Them Regret Telling You

Imagine you are the one carrying around this heavy thing and you finally get the nerve to tell someone “I’ve been having suicidal thoughts”. Imagine if their first reaction is to lecture you. Panic. Shame you. Tell you how selfish you are. Or start quoting Bible verses so quickly you can’t even begin to explain what’s been going on. What are the chances you would open up to them again?

James 1:19 tells us to be “quick to hear, slow to speak”. And this is one of those times to really put it in practice. Listen. Ask questions. Take them seriously. Don’t assume they are being dramatic. Don’t promise to keep suicidal ideations a secret. And don’t leave someone alone if you truly believe they are in immediate danger.

You can love Jesus, believe in the sufficiency of Scripture and recognize when a situation requires additional help.

Those things aren’t enemies. Sometimes loving your neighbor means sitting beside them with an open Bible. Sometimes loving your neighbor means driving them to the emergency room. Sometimes it’s doing both.

Biblical Hope Isn’t Pretending Everything Is Fine

Biblical hope sometimes gets confused with optimism. They aren’t the same thing. Optimism says, “Don’t worry. Everything is going to work out exactly how you want it to.”

I can’t promise that. Scripture doesn’t promise you that.

Biblical hope says something much stronger.

It says God is still God here. Christ is still King here. You are still made in the image of God here. Your suffering does not make your life worthless. Your feelings do not have ultimate authority. And this moment—no matter how unbearable it feels—--it is not bigger than the God you holds you.

That doesn’t mean that tomorrow will magically be easy. It doesn’t mean that depression disappears after one prayer. It doesn’t mean counseling fixes everything in three sessions. And it definitely doesn’t mean we’re going to slap Romans 8:28 on someone’s suffering and call our work finished.

It means hopelessness doesn't get the final word. Christ does.

To the Church: We Have to Be Safe People

Galatians 6:2 tells us: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Sometimes burdens are messy. Sometimes they are uncomfortable. Sometimes someone tells you something and you genuinely don’t know what to say.

That’s okay.

You don’t have to have the perfect words. Maybe instead of trying to fix everything, we could start with:

“Thank you for telling me”

“I’m here”

“I’m taking this seriously”

“We’re going to get you some help”

“You’re not walking through this by yourself”

And then actually mean it. Check in on them tomorrow. And next week. Sit with them at church. Help them make the appointment. Bring them dinner. Pray with them. Open Scripture with them. Walk beside them.

Because suicide prevention isn’t just a hotline number once a year in September. Sometime’s it’s noticing the person who’s gotten really quiet.

Sometimes it’s asking the uncomfortable question.

Sometimes it’s refusing to let someone disappear unnoticed.

Sometimes it’s simply being willing to sit in the darkness with somebody long enough to remind them where the Light is.

And If You’re the One Fighting

Maybe you aren’t reading this because you’re worried about someone else.

Maybe it’s you.

Maybe you’re exhausted.

Maybe you are tired of fighting thoughts nobody else knows you are having.

Please, tell someone.

Not tomorrow. Not when it gets worse. Tell someone TODAY.

A pastor. A biblical counselor. Your spouse. A trusted friend. A doctor. A therapist. Someone who can sit beside you and help you take the next step.

And if you are in immediate danger, please seek emergency help.

You don’t have to solve your entire life tonight. Right now, let’s just get you through the tonight.

There is no shame in saying “I need help staying”.

So please stay.

And let somebody help you fight.

____________________________________________________________________________

Need immediate help?

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or may act on suicidal thoughts, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.

In the United States, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Support is available 24/7.

If someone tells you they are considering suicide, take it seriously. Stay with them when immediate danger is present, help reduce access to lethal means when you can do so safely, and connect them with emergency or crisis support.